Want to wander around Vegas with us? A trip with girlfriends is always fun; and, this trip is free!
Let the strains of Sinatra’s "Luck be a Lady Tonight" play in your head. Imagine huge, sparkling hotels with beautiful flowing water fountains – perhaps the Bellagio? Can you see the dazzle of incredible night shows and colorful light displays? Survey the gaming rooms filled with people and poker chips. The roar of the winners, the ringing of slot machine bells, the calls of pit bosses, the cheers of the players, the laughter of winners scooping up their rewards – I bet there are some lucky ladies in the crowd!
Let’s survey another scene…… Consider your early morning start. Can you hear "Reveille" playing as our American flag is raised high above the Post headquarters? Do you hear the sound of children waking for play and getting ready to go to school? Whew! Is that the smell of your husband's P.T. clothes? Did he really just track muddy shoes on your kitchen floor?! Glancing at your watch, you notice it’s time to tackle your activities and chores - many having to do with your work and family as well as the needs of others in your FRG (Family Readiness Group). As the day winds down, can you hear the sounds of retreat played at 1700? And the day closing at 2100 hrs with the bugle call Tattoo?
These are the sights and sounds of Army life. They cross all social boundaries. They cross all religions, and races. We are lucky, we are lucky, we are lucky...keep telling yourself that and click your heels three times. Positive thinking is quantifiably proven to take you farther in life. Lucky Army Wives are exactly that - Lucky in their Army life associations and rich experiences.
What do you think?
Some of us – no names, no hints, no next door neighbors called out – have possibly crossed the proverbial “bridge too far” in our genuine effort to support our soldier, their Battalion, the Army, the military, the US of A……… right, we’re talking to you with the 13 stickers covering up the back of your vehicle (we tried to read through them all at the last stoplight but had to actually engage in driving around the seventh sticker – so now we’ll never know who or what else to support!).
We’re not against spousal support but we thought we should bring our concerns to your attention – primarily our concern that some of us – “us” being used a bit liberally here – have entered a parallel universe of dressing, walking, talking and spitting like our soldiers.
If you friends, family and commander’s wife have NOT invited you to a semi-lit room, put a plate of finger food in your hands, and asked you to join the circle of love to discuss why exactly your soldier’s company logo is emblazoned on the side of your head, you might be okay. If, however, anything previously described sounds even vaguely reminiscent of last weekend, squint your eyes and take a look down the “where has my identity gone to?” tunnel………….
1. You and your soldier can trade sides of the closet (or closets!) and nary a worry – you have something to wear as your clothes and your sweetie’s all kind of, well, match!
2. You strategically eyeball any and all cars at the new car dealership that are similar in color to your Battalion colors.
3. You actually consider ordering a magnet of your BDE insignia, that is the size of a stove, to strategically position on the hood of your car.
4. You don’t just carry a purse with your BDE crest emblazoned on it – you also own a wallet, notebook cover, diaper bag, laptop bag, children’s backpacks and a swim bag all emblazoned with your BDE crest.
5. When compiling your Christmas list, you realize that every addressee starts with a rank designation; and, when pondering this phenomena, you realize that your kids go to school with, you eat lunch/dinner with, you attend social events with, go to church with, the same people, every minute of every day of every week of every month of every year.
6. Your Christmas shopping is considered complete once you’ve ordered 38 Afghans embroidered with the Battalion crest (it’s generally for a good cause, after all!).
7. You painted the interior of your last four home in your soldier’s colors.
8. You schedule lunch dates in the mess hall to see more of your husband and a fun family outing is dinner at the post food court.
9. You bake, package and deliver Christmas AND Easter cookies for the Staff Duty soldiers, the Courtesy Patrol soldiers, the gate guards AND every single soldier in the barracks.
10. You sewed your husband's unit crest AND his top tank crew patch onto your child's jacket, long-sleeve denim shirt, and favorite sweater.
11. You actually shop for and make SOS (sh** on a shingle) for your family’s weekend breakfast.
And although we are putting these tell tale signs in writing and might appear to be suggesting a weekend in a liberal east or west coast town where the military is maligned and you must travel in disguise, Pear & Mercedes cast no stones. In fact, Pearl had to recently repaint the infantry blue entrance wall armor yellow due to her soldier’s branch transfer.
As an Army spouse, your acquaintances are generally predetermined by your soldier’s rank, duty station, and function. As a person with your own personality, interests, and activities – albeit heavily influenced by your place in the Army – your friends can actually be of your own choosing! (That’s also a very cool thing about getting older – you realize you can choose your own friends – it’s liberating once you realize you do NOT have to return every phone call, email, dinner invite, luncheon opportunity, etc. – but we digress………)
Pearl & Mercedes are "seasoned" Army spouses – and because we’ve climbed on board the USS Friendship and have managed to keep the boat afloat, we’re going to espouse our tried and true methods for finding, vetting and making new friends. (As a side note to our readers, please know that we’ve also had to jump off many a sinking USS Friendship – we will grimace through the mishaps, mistakes, and missteps in a follow-on blog!)
As part of our forced geographic expeditions; pioneering and proselytizing of new FRGs, fundraising committees, and volunteer efforts; and the creating - disbanding - and re-creating of social networks (all without Facebook until recently!), we’ve introduced many a “friend” to our families and added (and most definitely removed!) friends from our Christmas card lists. As part of this journey, we’ve architected “the friendship model” – the quest, the meet and greet, the interview, and the vetting and the assigning of a level of commitment to said potential friend.
That said, it's time to jump on board and tighten up the Christmas card list!
Step 1 - Use Your Spyglass to Scan the Horizon: While at the commander's wife's welcome - you spy an interesting person by the buffet table - someone with a similar clothing style, no sign of a beer gut, and no spinach/artichoke dip in her teeth when she smiles. This initial sighting is generally the first step to a deeper and more meaningful friendship; however, you must beware this generally over-romanticized initial sighting. This “glance” is indicative of a potential friendship only - I mean, what do you really know about her?! This lady could have one too many skeletons in her closet – is she a Redskins fan? Does she have Kanye West tunes on her IPod? Might she spoon Nutella from the jar for breakfast (rather than the preferred organic apple bacon and eggs)? As you surely know (or your teen can explain), unfriending or defriending or nonfriending can result in your ultimately sneaking in a PCS request to the commander’s office with your husband’s signature attached. If you’re feeling confident, know the scales were off (in the appropriate direction) by at least five pounds during the AM weigh-in, have fresh breath and are sure there's no toilet paper stuck to your heel - move on to step two.
Step 2 - Step Onto the Deck: As you move towards the buffet table and are inching your way closer to your target, push one of those flash frozen meatballs around on your plate while surreptitiously glancing over the top of your toothpick to see exactly where said target is standing and with whom. Don’t be naïve! Of course we judge you based on your posse! For instance, if you are enclosed in a tight-knit circle consisting of the chaplain's wife, the president of PWOC, and the local mayor’s wife, then Mercedes is already in reverse and falling backwards into the punchbowl. (Per mishaps at a recent Army-sponsored couple’s retreat, God has Mercedes on his "list"; she is afraid of lightning striking those who come in close contact with her.) If Pearl, as another example, notices you standing with a wine glass in your hand, a plate of deep-double-fried cheese and wings, and your heels kicked off under the table, then game on!
Step 3 - Grab the Jib: If you’ve scouted, scanned and vetted by association, then you are ready to talk. And let’s pass on the doggy style fire hydrant butt sniffing convo – Pearl demands that you get straight to the point as every single minute of Pearl's time counts when she’s staring down a plate of deep-double-fried cheese and wings. Be a big girl and consider asking the questions which most interest you – no, not questions related to where your soldier works and/or who his commander happens to be! Consider discussing:
You’re almost ready to dock the USS Friendship; return next week to learn of the perils to be avoided on the high seas!
Thinking we were ahead of the pumpkin, we headed into the local Hobby Lobby to stock up on Halloween and Fall décor. Scarily enough, we weren’t greeted by dancing skeletons or ghoulish figures; rather, we were accosted by sparkling pines and rows of glittering ornaments. No, it’s not Homecoming season in Louisiana – it’s Christmas (Getmas?) in October! Retail has taken a significant hit over the past couple of years but is backing Santa into summer going to wrestle the dollars away from our children’s considerably diminished 529 plans?
Because sending your child(ren) to college is considered your patriotic duty – kind of like displaying the flag, whipping up a warm dinner four out of seven nights a week, and voting in national elections – and pilfering your child(ren)’s 529 plan is akin to wearing pajamas to your child’s 1st grade graduation, we’re recommending an alternative gift strategy. Open up your Outlook Contact file, grab your iPhone, or pull that ragged sheet of paper from the junk drawer – it’s time to call on your fellow geographically well-positioned Army spouses, all of whom were arm-wrestled into participating in that angst-laden Army spouse tradition, the BAZAAR!!!
For those with experience in economics, global trade, and under-the-table deal making (that’s all of you who’ve participated in an overseas move), bazaars present a brilliant opportunity to work the Army spouse “system”. Set up your bazaar wares and start taking photos; post those photos to your Facebook page; and start exchanging goods with your fellow spouses.
Our favorite bazaars that highlight military spouse participation are The American Women's Club of Brussels annual holiday bazaar – featuring Polish pottery, hand-woven shawls and scarves, colorful jewelry and wooden toys and gifts, wines and chocolate (wines and chocolate, wines and chocolate). And, the Fort Hood OWC wins the bazaar belt buckle for sheer girth. With more local vendors and home crafted treats - the Killeen Convention Center is sure to be a hit for those needing Christmas goodies.
And, of course, you must track down the contact information for all your very, very close Army spouse buddies having access to the civilian bazaars in Europe! Where else can you find Irish linens, Black Forest cuckoo clocks, Belgian chocolate, Italian leather gloves and handbags and German wine (free testers!) while you walk up and down the maze of aisles? A typical German bazaar has as much food and drink as vendors and always sponsors a fest tent where the local soldier population can participate in "open mike night”! Wear your dancing shoes and leg warmers as, inside the shopping arena, the toe tapping background music is from the 80s as Europe (and definitely Germany!) is stuck in a time warp where Nina's "99 Luftbalons" and Ace of Bass' "All that she Wants" have never left the HitBoard Top 10.
All of these bazaars are well worth orchestrating exchange efforts, brokering post-to-post trade deals and investing your soldier’s deployment subsidy; grab lederhosen for the little ones, Americana buckets for the relatives, and First Cavalry Totebags for your friends – just remember where you store the gifts and don’t chip the Polish Pottery if you happen to use it a couple of times before wrapping!
What do you think?
First, we’re the first to concede that life as an Army wife is wildly fulfilling and all the resume you might want or need is pinned onto your husband’s chest. However, if you’re like us (slightly cynical, periodically sarcastic, exceedingly concerned that any/all education/professional training is not being put to the best use when standing next to the potty begging a two-year-old to JUST PEE!), at some point(s), you will actually question as to whom/what is being fulfilled as it’s certainly not the potty.
Second, we’re aware that the economy is in the tank and any talk about resume writing is superfluous considering the current conditions – this is particularly obvious when Army recruiters make statements indicating they are meeting/exceeding recruiting goals during a rather drawn out, two-front war. Seriously? Folks are willingly heading to a generally deserted mountainous region similar in size to Texas to sleep on hard cots in minimally protective tents, eat powdered eggs and potatoes, to look for a really tall guy in a turban?
Third, we’re also engaged in various stages of PCS-ing (a rather chronic condition for Army wives) and recognize that you might not have found an employer that is able and/or willing to move your job to the premier business locations idenfitied in previous blogs.
However, we’re going to advocate fine tuning the resume just the same! Why? It will bolster your self-esteem when you realize you, too, could easily run a small country from 1-5PM on Thursdays. It will help you ignore, when slaving away for hours in your various FRG, volunteer, parenting, spousal capacities – in a very, very small way - that nagging thought in the back of your head that you’re doing quite a bit of work for FREE. Finally, it will prep you for that moment when you realize you have a free afternoon and just might be able to engage in something about you versus spending every waking moment cementing your husband’s successful career!
Rest assured – you haven’t been fiddling away the hours or toiling at the till for nada – rather, you might just need some assistance translating your vast Army-life experiences into a readable resume document. Think you haven’t engaged in upward professional mobility? Let us reassure you that you can spin the tale on this donkey! The following are the contributions and skills you, yes, you have made and acquired as an Army wife – with a few minor tweaks to facilitate the appreciation of the civilian HR community.
Go ahead, cut and paste! And feel free to use "Pearl & Mercedes" as references!
What do you think?
There are a few Army posts that might be appealing to our soldiers but absolutely do not bring out the stars in our eyes! Some hints that you’re most likely heading to one of these less than stellar locations: your soldier continues to go in early and work late – avoiding any potential questions from you concerning PCS-ing – although his replacement has arrived, has a nameplate, and is hovering outside your soldier’s door; your soldier offers to take you shopping – for shoes AND a new handbag - when you ask “have you got those orders, yet?”; and/or your soldier begins extolling the value of spending quality time with the family, growing one’s own vegetables, and taking up knitting to while away the long evening hours.
Don’t get us wrong, Pearl & Mercedes have enjoyed every post location to date; however, there are a few Army post locations that make us wonder why in the world we didn’t marry a sailor so we could lounge in our beach chairs, snap our fingers for a fruity cocktail, and enjoy balmy evenings dancing on big ships! We’re not pushing direct fire on a few Army posts – rather, consider this a heads up that you might have to become extremely creative concerning self- and child-entertainment! Scrabble, anyone?
All Alone in Alaska (Fort Richardson, Alaska): Tellingly, the Fort Richardson homepage (http://www.usarak.army.mil/garrison/sites/local/) headlines the local hunting opportunities, humorously touting “Moose News”! Although there is the promise of a four-wheeling Todd Palin coming to call, it’s more likely that a 300lb moose or a bear might roam into your front yard to visit with your panicking pet! Looking for family activities? Pack up (your absolutely warmest weather gear) and head to the mountains – making sure your neighbors have your longitude/latitude to provide to the Fort Richardson soldiers desperate for an opportunity to practice their mountain rescue techniques.
Kimchi in Korea (US Army Garrison Yongsan): Pick up travel-size toothpaste, breath mints, and multiple packs of gum as you’ll be eating Kimchi at every opportunity – and we personally believe that garlic is the main ingredient of every pickled dish! When you’re on the treadmill, you’ll note an odd odor – blame the kimchi; when you start sweating while shopping in outdoor markets, the kimchi will revisit via your pores. Don’t let this sway you from experiencing the traditional Korean food, just don’t try and blame odd odors on your children. Army wives around the world do tout the benefits of the shopping (and the shop owners do love their American visitors!) particularly the shopping outside Gate 19 and the heady bargains found in Itaewon (ah, the platform shoes!).
Dismal in the Desert (Fort Irwin, California): “Helllloooooo out there?!” Fort Irwin is wonderful if you’ve just been at Fort Drum; but, as a very wise girlfriend once said, "They do not make enough wine for me to move to NTC"! Heading to Fort Irwin? Consider it an opportunity to really, really make and deepen friendships with your neighbors (even those flying a freak flag high and proud) – and most likely home-school your children. And, there is also the opportunity to increase your knowledge of the insect community as you will become quite familiar with the giant cockroaches, lizards or snakes which will take up residence in your house.
Run for the Border (Fort Bliss, Texas): During a recent trip to Fort Bliss, one of Mercedes’ children asked “Where is Mexico?” Mercedes replied, “Look to your left – your immediate left! In fact, stretch your hand out the car window and your arm and fingers will be in Mexico!” On the pro side, Fort Bliss is closer to the California coastline than, say, Fort Bragg. On the con side, Fort Bliss is pretty close to the Rio Grande (Rio Bravo if you’re local) for anyone not sporting an up-armored M1114 Humvee nor trained in combating drug-lord warfare.
What Do You Think?
|
Time |
Soldier Meanings |
Family Translation |
|
06:00 |
Reveille: The American Flag is raised upon the last note of this call; all soldiers must be assembled for their morning roll call. |
Option 1: Immediately pull the covers over your head and hope to heaven the sound machine can drown out the noise; Option 2: Realize that it’s yet another day that your commitment to family, God, and country will be tested to its limits. |
|
06:30 |
Breakfast Call: Now morphed into the gun shot start of unit P.T. |
All main road arteries are closed. During the next hour, if you happen to need diapers for the baby or milk for your child's cereal, you will need to call in a CareFlight rapid emergency response – you aren’t going anywhere via vehicle on post. |
|
12:00 |
Dinner Call: When dinner was the main meal of the day. |
If you have not made a quick lunch run to Subway, the line now stretches around the corner of the building – consider PB&J. If you’re still waiting on workout motivation to descend from the heavens, you’ve waited too long. You only have two more hours until your children come home from school - go directly to the shower. |
|
18:00 |
Retreat: The flag lowering ceremony, traditionally at 17:00. |
Realize, while absorbed in dinner preparation, that you have not seen your children for at least 30 minutes clearly putting you in violation of post line-of-site policy. For spouses of soldiers shackled to desks at the Pentagon, “Beltway Hour" begins (a cocktail tradition observed by wives as husbands fight their way home through the Washington, D.C. traffic). |
|
21:00 |
Tattoo: Soldiers prepare for bed and secure the post. |
Consider passing on the third glass of that excellent red – or just call it a Tylenol PM chaser. |
|
23:00 |
Taps: All lights extinguished and loud talking ceased! |
Fall exhaustedly into bed, make a note to wash your face in the AM and once again ponder the implications of skipping flossing. |
To sustain our military force, the Army has armed all recruiters and applicable personnel (generally the dubious spouse!) with a catchy slogan: "Re-enlist Soldiers, Re-Up Families". True to its word, the Army has been pumping money into the Army Family Covenant Quality of Life efforts for over two years. Many posts have upgraded housing, built new gym and dining facilities, and dramatically improved the barracks. We know, we know! The Army must invest in infrastructure to compensate for its generally out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere geographic locations (give a shout-out for Ft. Irwin)!
We’ve been around a while – although we’re nowhere near as old as some of the housing at Ft. Leavenworth – and we’ve decided we’re qualified to give the more famous (and infamous) posts “star rankings” (somewhat akin to those given to the Army leadership). New spouses - consider this a “heads up” when your soldier begins extolling, say, the three-wheeling opportunities at a certain Ft. Polk for which he’s recently received orders; spouses with a few moves scratched into your dining room table – tell us if you agree or if we’ve totally missed the more compelling features of Ft. Leonard Wood!
Good in the Hood (Fort Hood, Texas): With the recent significant on- and off-post infrastructure improvements, we’re going to give the Hood the whopping four-star award. (Just keep in mind that this rating system is for Army posts only, not the numerous Air Force or Navy or Coast Guard vacation locations.)Off-post, you now have access to the Cracker Barrel (Sunday breakfast anyone?), Cheddar’s, Barnes & Noble, a new Target, ULTA – retail paradise! The I35 corridor is loaded with theme parks, water parks, more shopping, restaurants – and as you’re required to drive 80+ miles an hour on I35, you’ll get to your day-trip location in no time! Although the summer heat index drives the field mice into the numerous double-wide mobile homes for much needed air conditioning - this prime real estate is developing faster than the Army's newest models of Paladin and Abrams. And, most importantly for the kids, a CAV charge with horses - awesome!
Sunning at Schofield (Schofield Barracks, Hawaii): Right – we’re cheating a bit here but did you really think we could start anywhere else?! This is the one location where wives can get a lei without having to cook dinner. Drinks at sunset? On the beach? You bet! And always start the morning off with coffee on the sea-breeze misted back porch; this is the Army's little (very, very little) piece of paradise. There are a couple of questionable features to note. First, you will have to contend with the abundance of GOs – there are more general officers per square inch of government owned land in HI than grains of sand in Pearl’s high school spring break sun faded soft yellow Corona beer bottle. And, second, you will need to cover the candy apple red Mazda MX6 convertible as the endless bright sun tends to fade red paint a bit.

Daydreaming about Drum (Fort Drum, New York): The home of the 10th Mountain Division families’ quarters comes with snow blowers as standard issue. On the upside, there are minimal days when you’ll break a sweat working in the yard; on the downside, you’ll only see that yard for those few days. We’ll admit that we’re giving Ft. Drum three stars because awesome New York City is only 331 miles away (don’t remind us that it takes a whopping nine hours of driving to get there in bad weather!). Once there, you have the sidewalk vendors! The Rockettes! The Rockefeller Square holiday displays and ice skating! Restaurant, after restaurant, after restaurant……… And, most importantly, the more covert treats can be found right outside the Canal Street subway – where the vendors of relatively plausible designer goods have experienced greatly increased foot traffic during the recent economic downturn. 
Pumped about Polk (Fort Polk, Louisiana): Google Fort Polk Louisiana and the first URL returned is “Fort Polk: Burger King Fort Polk”. Why is this? Anyone? Is the big BK the bomb at Ft. Polk? We don’t want to flame Ft. Polk unnecessarily – and are going to ask a local for some input – a lucky current resident of that blissfully soggy location, Jennifer Anotonia! Jennifer - how many stars would you give Ft. Polk and why (and no cheating just because you are always positive and your husband is a commander!)?
What Do You Think?